Chapter 12: Family Unity
That year I witnessed unity in the church, the community, with friends, and in my immediate and extended family.
Every one of our paths is different, yet we walk them together. Our path is not about what we have done or where we have been; it is about where we are going and what we are becoming, in unity. - Reyna I. Aburto
Church Family
During the winter and spring of 2018, several significant events occurred in the church. President Thomas S. Monson passed away on January 2, 2018, after serving nearly 10 years as the president of the church and 55 years as a general authority. I loved so many things about him, his singsong way of speaking, wiggling his ears, using acronyms in his talks. I saw him speak at BYU several times and I admired his faith and love for Jesus.
On January 14th, President Russell M. Nelson was sustained and set apart as the President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. His counselors, President Dallin H. Oaks and Henry B. Eyring were also sustained. I must admit I was a little concerned that President Uchtdorf was released from being in the First Presidency. Typically counselors stay in that position for a long time with several presidents. President Nelson said “Elder Uchtdorf has resumed his place in the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles and has already received major assignments for which he is uniquely qualified.”
The April 2018 General Conference was a memorable one. Elder Gerrit W. Gong, the first Asian American apostle, and Elder Ulisses Soares, the first South American apostle, were called as the newest members of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. Before their call, the Quorum was made up entirely of white men from the U.S. with the exception of Elder Dieter Uchtdorf, who is from Germany. Many members were excited to have a more racially diverse leadership at the head of the church.
A solemn assembly was held during the Saturday morning session, as is customary when a new prophet is called. One by one, President Eyring asked groups of the worldwide congregation to stand and sustain the prophet, his counselors and the Quorum of the Twelve. I remember standing up at my art desk when they asked all women over age 18 to stand. I raised my right hand to sustain the prophet and it felt wonderful to be part of a worldwide church family.
Several changes in church structure were also announced: 1) Elders Quorums and High Priest Groups were combined at the ward level; 2) Home teaching and visiting teaching were combined to become “ministering" and the Young Women were formally called to take part in that program.
Many of the talks during the conference were about unity and following the guidance of the Spirit.
President Nelson said, “I urge you to stretch beyond your current spiritual ability to receive personal revelation, for the Lord has promised that “if thou shalt [seek], thou shalt receive revelation upon revelation, knowledge upon knowledge, that thou mayest know the mysteries and peaceable things—that which bringeth joy, that which bringeth life eternal.”
I loved that counsel and I could feel that desire in me to tune into my intuition and the Spirit.
Community Family
We attended a few community events during the summer that focused on families in a different way. We went to the Portland Pride parade again on June 17th, where people were united in supporting and celebrating the queer community. On June 30th, Josh and I joined a rally downtown called “Families Belong Together,” to speak out against the separation of immigrant children from their parents at our country’s southern border.
My Family
On February 20, 2018, Josh’s grandpa, Bobby Bancroft, Sr. died. Then on May 10, Josh’s mother, Karen, passed away. She had been in poor health for a while, so it was comforting to know she was free of health struggles, but it was also difficult to lose her so suddenly. Shortly after Karen’s passing, we loaded up our Subaru for yet another drive to Utah for a funeral. Josh used to say that he only would go back to Utah for funerals, and apparently that was the pattern. Grandpa Hansen in 2014, Josh’s dad Bobby Bancroft, Jr. in January 2016, and now his mother.
We were welcomed in Utah by the Hansen and Bancroft families. They have always been so kind to us. Karen’s funeral was attended by family members and long time friends who shared stories of her naughty shenanigans when she was young. I was proud of Josh for conducting the funeral. He looked so handsome in his suit, paying tribute to his mom, even though their relationship was stressed at times. Karen was buried next to her sister and parents at a beautiful hilltop cemetery that looked over Utah Valley.
The day after the funeral, Josh met his biological dad for the first time. That is his story to tell, but I will say that making that connection and being embraced by another loving family was a sweet experience. I will never forget the moment Josh and his father embraced for the first time.
On May 22nd, a bunch of my nieces went to the Taylor Swift concert in Seattle. The very next day, one of those nieces, Sydney, suffered a major stroke caused by an AVM rupture in her brain, and was rushed to the hospital. She endured several surgeries over the next few days while her family anxiously waited for information and updates from the team of doctors. They saw many small miracles happen during that scary time. While Sydney was in a medically induced coma for two months at Randall Children’s Hospital, an army of people came forward to support Sydney, her parents and siblings. Friends, family, classmates and church members brought gifts and food, ran errands, visited and hugged, sent flowers and cards, and offered many, many prayers. It was quite amazing to witness the great love and kindness shown to the family. Over the next few months, the extended families continued to focus on supporting them.
To start off our Sullivan Family Reunion in July, we visited Sydney in a Portland-area hospital. There was still a lot of stress about her recovery and care, so it was meaningful to gather together to support her and her family.
After visiting Sydney, we all drove down to Eugene and settled in a campground next to Fern Ridge Reservoir. It was a convenient campground with all the amenities and close enough to Mom and Dad’s house that they could drive home each night to sleep in their own beds. We camped in several spaces near each other, in tents and hammocks, and my sister brought her RV. We spent that time visiting, playing games, telling stories, taking family photos and going on boat rides around the lake. Of course we ate lots of good food, including Mom’s famous potato salad and plenty of treats.
Our Sullivan reunion was a lot of fun but let's just say that the Bancrofts again showed themselves and the world that tent camping doesn’t always contribute to family unity for us.
Yes, our family members can be a pain in the ass sometimes. Thank goodness for genuine love, forgiveness, encouragement, humor and the times that draw us together in unity.
“Families are like fudge—mostly sweet with a few nuts.” —Les Dawson, comedian
There’s no vocabulary
For love within a family, love that’s lived in
But not looked at, love within the light of which
All else is seen, the love within which
All other love finds speech.
This love is silent. —T.S. Eliot